Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
