Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
