I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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