wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
