bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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