ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
