I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
