Already got asked if we're dating
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am mentally ready for anal.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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