i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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