Got a toothbrush?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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