She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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