Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
