u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
