So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
