U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
