I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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