My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
