I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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