you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
