I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I've blown a few things in my day
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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