i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
two words: eviction party
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
