I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
