do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
