I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
