Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
