This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
