Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
