the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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