i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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