Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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