1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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