I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
