Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
