i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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