I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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