i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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