I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
