I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
