I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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