I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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