youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
