So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
