we're blogging at a bar
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
