For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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