that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
