What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
