I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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