girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
