Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
