is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
