my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
