According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
