I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
