I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
